[Trail] Have You Been to Kota Kinabalu Alone?

*A story from our contributor, Ms. Lee.

Finding Myself in the Most Unlikely of Places.

한국어 버전을 보고 싶거나, 이야기를 계속해서 받아보길 원하시는 경우 아래 페이지로 이동해주세요.
(작가 블로그 가기)

I Dreamed of Perfect Consolation,
But Instead, It Rained

“This is a story people probably won’t relate to.”

That’s what I always say when I bring this up. And it’s true. I went to Kota Kinabalu—the holy grail of honeymoon spots, famous for the world’s most romantic sunsets—alone.

Worse, I went to sort out my feelings after a breakup.

To be the solo person dropped amidst a sea of happy couples... it was probably a recipe for making myself feel even more pathetic. But I just wanted to gift myself a ‘perfect 4-night, 5-day consolation’ in one of the most beautiful places in the world.

The Perfect Plan vs. The Imperfect Reality

My preparation was thorough.

Swimming? Can’t do it. So I took lessons for a whole month. (The result? Still sank like a stone.)

Memories? Had to capture every single one. I bit the bullet and bought two expensive cameras. (A Sony a6400 and a new GoPro!)

‘Okay,’ I thought. ‘Now just go and heal in style.’

But Kota Kinabalu wasn’t about to grant me ‘perfection’ that easily.

As soon as I arrived, the sky was overcast, and it started to rain—the one thing I truly hate. My month of swim lessons proved useless in practice. And the expensive cameras? They couldn’t capture even half of the oppressively low-hanging clouds and the strange, mystical air. (To be honest, thanks to the gloom, it didn’t look all that beautiful to the naked eye, either.)

‘Ah... this is a disaster, isn’t it?’

But a funny thing happened. That rain, which I would normally despise, didn’t feel so bad on foreign soil. No, it actually felt... okay. The moment I put the camera down, the scenery actually came into view. As I watched the magical glow of the fireflies, which only appear after the rain stops, a thought hit me.

‘Huh? Even if it all feels ruined... even if I’m doing things I hate... I’m... actually okay?’

The curtain had risen on a perfectly imperfect trip. And I was, slowly, getting ready to enjoy this ‘messy freedom’.

I Am Okay, Even When Life Isn’t Giving Me ‘Good Things’

In rainy Kota Kinabalu, I started to accept the ‘not-according-to-plan-ness’ of it all. And then, surprising things began to happen.

A Coward’s Nemo Expedition

I’m a coward. But I’d come all this way, and I had to see the ocean floor. While everyone else jumped in gleefully, I was stuck on the boat, just stomping my feet anxiously, unable to swim.

Just then, a local guide grabbed my arm and pulled me into the water. I didn’t even have time to shout “Whoa?!” I squeezed my eyes shut, and when I opened them, what I saw wasn’t terror. It was a new world.

“Ah! So cute! This is amazing!” I was screaming internally. A real-life Nemo swam past. A sea turtle glided by. I was so captivated I didn’t even have time to be scared. Riding this high, it’s a miracle I even went parasailing afterward.

It was a world I never would have discovered on my own.

The Taxi Driver’s ‘Real’ Tom Yum Goong

“You want something delicious? I know a place I go to.”

For a solo traveler, this offer from a taxi driver is Red Flag #1. But I don’t know what courage possessed me; I just followed.

He dropped me at a shabby local spot. Inside, an elderly man who had the aura of a culinary master was at work. Half-skeptical, half-hopeful, I took my first sip. My eyes shot open.

“Whoa... a flavor like this?”

It is still, to this day, the best Tom Yum Goong of my life. After returning to Korea, no matter what expensive Thai restaurant I go to, I have never been able to find that taste again.

Even When I’m Not Given ‘Good Things’

On my last day, in the taxi to the airport, the driver looked at me in the rearview mirror. “Next time, come with friends or family.”

I smiled and said to myself, ‘No, I loved it because I was alone.’

By being truly alone, I was able to take better care of myself. The small movements of a monkey, the intensity of the sun, the drowsy quiet inside the bus on the way back from a tour... I could feel all of it completely.

The trip taught me. That even if the weather isn’t perfect, even if you can’t swim and just flail around, even if you’re shaking with fear... if you can just embrace yourself, mess and all, then the trip is perfect enough.

“Even when life isn’t just giving me ‘good things,’ I am pretty okay.”

Even now, all this time later, when I smell the perfume I bought at the market for my sister, the humidity and air of that day come rushing back.

This trip became its own memory of consolation— the most perfect because it was the most imperfect. Maybe... this is what travel is all about.

‘Ah... just thinking about it makes me want to leave again!’

(Have You Been to Kota Kinabalu Alone? Finding Myself in the Most Unlikely of Places. - Fin.)

A World Traveler’s Small Stories & Insights Published every Monday and Friday.

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